Rheumatologist: Blah blah blah

Me: Blah blah blah

Rheumatologist: Blah blah blah

[Petunia climbs onto shoulder]

Me: Blah blah blah

[Petunia switches to chest and stares at me]

Rheumatologist: Here’s what I recommend . . . Hey, I feel like you’re not listening or paying attention because you’re too busy petting your cat.

Me: Look! [Holds up both hands] I’M NOT EVEN TOUCHING HER.