I was at what may have been a movie party with people from high school when I spotted TB. I seemed to be dressed in a showy print — leopard spots? — and thought he surely had to see me at such a gathering.

I started to wonder if he did see me and would never admit it, but I know my own lack of power to compel attention. For the first time, though, I felt optimistic that he wasn’t entirely unaware of me and that someday he would have to grant me my right to be a real person, worthy of at least his notice if not his affection. I woke up disappointed as usual, but strangely optimistic.